tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post1486968162890575797..comments2023-09-12T10:19:46.166-04:00Comments on Christina Lee: First Words WorkshopChristina Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-92208723921154039092011-06-02T09:42:39.211-04:002011-06-02T09:42:39.211-04:00Testing...I left a comment and it is gone. O_0Testing...I left a comment and it is gone. O_0Lola Sharphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14394765053485642935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-13217595081853800022011-06-02T09:41:50.387-04:002011-06-02T09:41:50.387-04:00Great feedback...and I too LOVE the hook sentence....Great feedback...and I too LOVE the hook sentence. (nice job Matt :)Lola Sharphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14394765053485642935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-70078998223848392132011-06-02T07:07:27.025-04:002011-06-02T07:07:27.025-04:00This is a great series, christina. I didn't mi...This is a great series, christina. I didn't mind the second person. I did love that last line. Totally sucked me in. <br />Great work!!Christine Danekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00979611961825725350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-65369057572398983552011-06-02T05:57:23.510-04:002011-06-02T05:57:23.510-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-73408342736932917552011-06-01T16:18:41.487-04:002011-06-01T16:18:41.487-04:00Wow! I feel so inadequate now. That was great. ...Wow! I feel so inadequate now. That was great. I am loving this feature by the way.Louriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05477223472789865063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-69310499585541913062011-06-01T15:06:36.213-04:002011-06-01T15:06:36.213-04:00Excellent crit ladies! I love the way you approac...Excellent crit ladies! I love the way you approached this:)Lindsay N. Curriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16347055390748782853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-44648881841053419332011-06-01T13:56:56.600-04:002011-06-01T13:56:56.600-04:00I agree with the comment you and Stina made. Love ...I agree with the comment you and Stina made. Love the last line ;)Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04313619484424363895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-33317359848415690942011-06-01T13:27:37.180-04:002011-06-01T13:27:37.180-04:00I would agree with the sentiments above. "One...I would agree with the sentiments above. "One of them was a good man" is an awesome line and probably belongs a bit closer to the beginning. Talk about a great hook! I, as a reader, want to know more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-49739798701485951072011-06-01T12:25:44.073-04:002011-06-01T12:25:44.073-04:00Great great thoughts everybody- keep 'em comin...Great great thoughts everybody- keep 'em coming! <br /><br />I think part about slapping on a new label gives us a clue about his parents, but it cetainly can come after that great line everyone is raving about ;-)Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-30186889459513110732011-06-01T09:19:34.604-04:002011-06-01T09:19:34.604-04:00"One of them was a good man" was EXCELLE..."One of them was a good man" was EXCELLENT! That line clinches it for me.<br /><br />I wonder if you need the part about slapping the name on like a shiny new label. It gives us something about the character's voice, but does it add to the story that comes after this? The part about the grandfather and the father is the most interesting part here, and seems to be what leads us into the story. Just my opinion, of course!<br /><br />Nice work.Ishta Mercuriohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17776946702988283453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-2708782141193061362011-06-01T08:44:00.863-04:002011-06-01T08:44:00.863-04:00The final line of this is nothing short of awesome...The final line of this is nothing short of awesome, but I share your concern about second person. My last project had several moments of direct-reader address, and a few agents told me to get rid of it because it pulled them out of the story (and when I did, I ended up getting rep for the project). If it's just here in the first lines, that might be ok, but if it continues, I'd be careful!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06636585111057799728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-32733502614295546262011-06-01T08:41:11.764-04:002011-06-01T08:41:11.764-04:00I like it. I've got nothing against the second...I like it. I've got nothing against the second person. Couldn't handle a whole book like that, but here as it is, I think it works.<br /><br />I love the line: One of them was a good man. I'd personally try to put this closer to the beginning. And agent would then take immediate interest I think. For example:<br /><br />You can call me Lee. It was my grandfather’s name, and my father’s middle name. One of them was a good man. ...Jessica Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-82062298477115460242011-06-01T08:20:02.132-04:002011-06-01T08:20:02.132-04:00One of them was a good man was definitely the most...One of them was a good man was definitely the most intriguing sentence in there. Very foreboding!Kelly Polarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10968381456100611120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-67004047833809510202011-06-01T07:47:27.741-04:002011-06-01T07:47:27.741-04:00Great job to both Christina and the author of the ...Great job to both Christina and the author of the except. :DStinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-14785825719089341962011-06-01T07:27:35.328-04:002011-06-01T07:27:35.328-04:00I just want to say I love this series, it's su...I just want to say I love this series, it's such a great idea!Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.com