tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post76155288517897973..comments2023-09-12T10:19:46.166-04:00Comments on Christina Lee: First Words WorkshopChristina Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-29095561181225068322011-09-16T02:08:11.757-04:002011-09-16T02:08:11.757-04:00I like the rewrites, which make the piece stronger...I like the rewrites, which make the piece stronger. I'd read more of this.<br /><br />Have a great weekend.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-54066315584093682012011-09-15T10:35:10.829-04:002011-09-15T10:35:10.829-04:00Dianne and Stef: yeah, an 8th grader WOULD know th...Dianne and Stef: yeah, an 8th grader WOULD know that word, huh?Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-19125873190829007522011-09-15T09:50:46.193-04:002011-09-15T09:50:46.193-04:00You girls are soo good! I wish I could hire you to...You girls are soo good! I wish I could hire you to proof my blog posts :)Maddyhttp://madheartsblog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-37882071361004972162011-09-15T09:15:57.238-04:002011-09-15T09:15:57.238-04:00I totally overlooked the fact that the protagonist...I totally overlooked the fact that the protagonist is an 8th grader!<br />So I agree..."confiscated" works.Stefanie Wassnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-38080667317601283592011-09-14T19:00:02.487-04:002011-09-14T19:00:02.487-04:00Aha, I've seen this before and a little more o...Aha, I've seen this before and a little more of it, too!<br /><br />I like the first sentence re-writes done by both Christina and Stina. I like those short sentence punches in an opening paragraph.<br /><br />And I have to disagree about the word "confiscate" not being MG. I think it's a totally appropriate word for an eight grader. They get things confiscated all the time -- like their cell phones. So, I'm sure they use the word.Dianne K. Salernihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16459839567235304842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-86252672460542325862011-09-14T16:04:01.719-04:002011-09-14T16:04:01.719-04:00Great comments! And what a great service you guys ...Great comments! And what a great service you guys are doing.Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-43569823857438654532011-09-14T14:37:51.247-04:002011-09-14T14:37:51.247-04:00Wonderful suggestions! You both do great work! I a...Wonderful suggestions! You both do great work! I agree. More emotion up front is always good.Laura Paulinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06503090226508079501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-58971335744435428502011-09-14T11:46:16.279-04:002011-09-14T11:46:16.279-04:00This has a great in-school feel. I agree the firs...This has a great in-school feel. I agree the first paragraph could be tighter. Great set up.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-56497023132282816362011-09-14T11:42:34.795-04:002011-09-14T11:42:34.795-04:00Lourie, I sucked at it too, my first manuscripts. ...Lourie, I sucked at it too, my first manuscripts. But it gets easier the longer you write (you hear me? I'm cracking the whip)!<br /><br />Stef, I knew you'd have great insight, you awesome MG writer, you! :DChristina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-43311530533298573732011-09-14T11:00:36.312-04:002011-09-14T11:00:36.312-04:00Mixing tenses is my biggest downfall!!! I love th...Mixing tenses is my biggest downfall!!! I love the "puke green" description. hahaha. It's perfect.Louriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05477223472789865063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-79690528889187640262011-09-14T10:03:26.095-04:002011-09-14T10:03:26.095-04:00I like how Christina started with action. It draws...I like how Christina started with action. It draws the reader right into the story.<br /><br />Those sensory details are great!<br />Makes me want to hold my nose!<br /><br />Also: "Confiscated" isn't a MG word. I think a middle grader would use another term: stole? ripped out of my hands? I'm not sure about the meaning of this, either. Did the main character write this story privately and the teacher stole his notebook? Was this a class assignment that the teacher decided not to return to the student?Stefanie Wassnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-25972772876438952602011-09-14T09:12:49.654-04:002011-09-14T09:12:49.654-04:00Story Queen, she'd be happy to hear that!
St...Story Queen, she'd be happy to hear that! <br /><br />Stina, yeah, I don't know. You're opening gets right to the point. I think she could go either way!Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-76108023300976087202011-09-14T09:08:53.516-04:002011-09-14T09:08:53.516-04:00I agree, Matt. It reads better with Christina'...I agree, Matt. It reads better with Christina's opening line. It shows more emotion, especially when the opening is telling.Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-25200115011414287262011-09-14T08:58:21.469-04:002011-09-14T08:58:21.469-04:00Nicely done, ladies!
I would read more of this se...Nicely done, ladies!<br /><br />I would read more of this selection, just so you know, author of the first 100 words.<br /><br />Shelleystoryqueenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07039684494823420722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-68821866890239936492011-09-14T08:54:08.079-04:002011-09-14T08:54:08.079-04:00Thanks Matt and Kelly!Thanks Matt and Kelly!Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-82049044025244290402011-09-14T08:45:54.893-04:002011-09-14T08:45:54.893-04:00I like how you ladies edit for us to see. Very hel...I like how you ladies edit for us to see. Very helpful!Kelly Polarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10968381456100611120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-21672941741164213332011-09-14T08:35:45.713-04:002011-09-14T08:35:45.713-04:00I've seen this before, so I know whose it is, ...I've seen this before, so I know whose it is, but that shouldn't cloud my thoughts.<br /><br />I think I like Christina's re-write best. Not that Stina doesn't also make some great points, but I like being grounded in the scene right away rather than reading the exposition first.<br /><br />Not that that's the only option, but for me it works better for this opening.Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-49148782313867619412011-09-14T07:55:32.823-04:002011-09-14T07:55:32.823-04:00Thanks, Jen! I think the rearranging *may* have he...Thanks, Jen! I think the rearranging *may* have helped.Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-38103425902529388812011-09-14T07:40:25.839-04:002011-09-14T07:40:25.839-04:00I'm definitely one who can apprecaite the chan...I'm definitely one who can apprecaite the changes. The first paragraph read a little weird to me, but once they explained that Mr. McMichaels confiscated the paper I was much happier.<br /><br />Overall great job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.com