tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post7879004545360652289..comments2023-09-12T10:19:46.166-04:00Comments on Christina Lee: First Words WorkshopChristina Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-56872494587595389612011-07-28T22:37:16.777-04:002011-07-28T22:37:16.777-04:00I love how you offer two sets of comments, as it n...I love how you offer two sets of comments, as it not only provides more input but let's us look for trends and differing opinions.<br /><br />I’m delighted to be a new follower and have left a response to your comment on Bird’s-eye View at http://michellefayard.blogspot.com/2011/07/getting-blog-comments-to-work-for-you.html.Michelle Fayardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05323853315988838877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-700458160061486532011-07-28T10:45:56.600-04:002011-07-28T10:45:56.600-04:00I like the rewrite. It takes all the essential id...I like the rewrite. It takes all the essential ideas and boils them down to necessities to make mood.<br /><br />Short story writing has helped me. With a word-count ending looming, it's amazing how creative I can get with saying a lot with a little. And if I can't, my beta readers point it out!<br /><br />Rumbling nerves didn't work for me either and I'd like to know more about the MC. But I was interested in what would happen next.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-25303304692897714162011-07-28T00:20:43.381-04:002011-07-28T00:20:43.381-04:00Ah, this is really cool. The redo was pretty cool....Ah, this is really cool. The redo was pretty cool. The comments on it were good too.Devin Bondhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02778910287345364738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-20935311093317614902011-07-27T15:29:17.485-04:002011-07-27T15:29:17.485-04:00Personally, I really liked the first line. It'...Personally, I really liked the first line. It's not something I see often, a 'why can't I love...' - I find it quite interesting. :)Bethany Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829932931010851406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-15718561497619147892011-07-27T11:22:49.889-04:002011-07-27T11:22:49.889-04:00I actually really like her redo. It grabbed me.I actually really like her redo. It grabbed me.Liz Mayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13960276167677132860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-2462372230308982262011-07-27T11:12:09.275-04:002011-07-27T11:12:09.275-04:00Great comments. I like how you guys broke up the t...Great comments. I like how you guys broke up the text in the possible re-write. <br /><br />The missing commas caused me to stutter a bit on the reading, too. And I felt like I understood Philip better than the MC. More interiority would definitely help. But I do love the set-up . . . discovering your alone in a swanky restaurant with a man you don't love. Makes my stomach drop, too! <br /><br />Best of luck with it. :)Janet Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12688012956157161889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-81893526854447265292011-07-27T10:08:38.800-04:002011-07-27T10:08:38.800-04:00The main thing with physical reactions is to make ...The main thing with physical reactions is to make sure they're physiologically true. And don't overload your text with them. That was also one of Mary's point. Less really is more. <br /><br />Of course this is subjective. I know one reader who cringes at what she considers to be too much interiority (the amount that Mary would be happy with).Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-51122811827152449652011-07-27T10:02:02.179-04:002011-07-27T10:02:02.179-04:00When you're reading, one never realizes all th...When you're reading, one never realizes all the work that goes into paying the picture in our heads. Very cool! As a non-writer, it's great to see your process! It's a lot of work!Maddyhttp://madheartsblog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-65058853433869129232011-07-27T09:43:44.165-04:002011-07-27T09:43:44.165-04:00I knew someone would like that first line! And tha...I knew someone would like that first line! And that's good because it shows that you can get many points of view on revisions and the writer should choose what resonates with THEM.<br /><br />Stef-- yep, Mary Kole had a good post about that (more interiority and less physical cliches). Having said that, I don't think it's necessary (or even possible) to get rid of all of them. But searching for more unique ones to use helps too!Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-74403983795229231312011-07-27T09:27:42.632-04:002011-07-27T09:27:42.632-04:00I've been reading about physical cliches latel...I've been reading about physical cliches lately: stomachs grumbling, goosebumps rising, eyes rolling. As writers, we all have to work hard to show, not tell, but in doing so, avoid overused physical descriptions to portray emotions.<br />This is hard to do, but something that will elevate our writing to the next level.Stefanie Wassnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-87440344011364252112011-07-27T08:33:08.314-04:002011-07-27T08:33:08.314-04:00One small nitpick- there is no 's' at the ...One small nitpick- there is no 's' at the end of toward. It's a common mistake.<br /><br />I agree with Christina that the goosebumps seem out of place if she's not in love with him. Is she in lust, then? It needs to be clearer. But I like the setup and the tension.Gina Cioccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18024256412233972412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-46508036810013783412011-07-27T07:51:16.228-04:002011-07-27T07:51:16.228-04:00Great feedback! I noticed the punctuation issues a...Great feedback! I noticed the punctuation issues as well--needing a comma to delineate the participial phrases ("clearing his throat", "holding out his hand"). It's essential to making the meaning of the sentence clear. I think, overall, this needs a careful, literal read through (for instance, were the wait staff really buzzing around them with candlelight?). However, I've got to say, I actually liked the first sentence, and I really got a sense of the awkwardness of the moment! Wiht some rearranging and crafting, this will really shine!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06636585111057799728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4145236456769195141.post-23737162596372128102011-07-27T07:50:15.125-04:002011-07-27T07:50:15.125-04:00Well I must say I always learn something when I st...Well I must say I always learn something when I stop in here! This was very helpful.<br /><br />I must say this sounds like one awesome story ;)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.com